brain is empty soul ran away
an empty shell is here today
want fantastic want to be fun
subtle reminders that i am no one
come into my head here and there
comfort is way over there!

yea not what i though but i suppose that is not much of a surprise. ya know a bunch of this stuff i write about must not make much sense to any of the people who read this. i mean i just start at a thought i have and go from there without giving any type of insight into what it is im actually thinking about. you know come to think of it i kind of do this when im having conversation with people anyway so i guess its not that big of a difference.

its tough trying to make friends when you get past a certain number of 'age'. im not 'old' and its not impossible or anything like that just a bit more difficult. why would that be? have i become extremely stubborn and just disregard people because of the things i overhear them say? fuck im not that shallow right? perhaps its because im usually thinking about birds and i kind of silently smile to myself and then people notice this reaction i have about my own thought and decide it better to stay a little further away from me than they normally would because i look a bit off.

it seems like im stretched out, like i need to do something for myself rather than continue doing things for other people so often. i use to not give people much and i am beginning to kind of remember why, they ask for more. i suppose it is somewhat of a compliment considering that they think enough of me to ask me for my help but its strange sometimes.

what is that glorious smell? oh, its victory! yes, i have become victorious against my own victory defeating it like never before. oh, yea, come on try it again i dare you. psh, last time that will try to come around here. yea so im just gonna dwell in my gain against victory and see where it takes me, most likely it will be somewhere bad but hey at least i won.

i have drawn around 100 ellipses in the past two days or so, nothing but ellipses. thats all you are you know, a bunch of ellipses. you will never be a perfect circle because you are not well rounded so just enjoy the oblong shape you have and try not to look to desperate. foundation is important, so is fruit. kiwi is where its at, i dont think i have ever enjoyed eating seeds as much as i do in kiwi. come on fall.

i heard a joke the other day and laughed so hard, it was great. cool is a lot about material and whatnot, then once most of the material items are looked at and discussed the people who have them dont seem to have all that much more to offer, it also could be that they just dont want to talk to me anymore. i have not been able to stare at the wall as much as usual and its a hard change to go with, i have actually had different things to do and not only that but these things have meaning so thats nice. dont get me wrong i mean placing rocks in different positions and looking at the shadows they help create throughout the day does have meaning but not as much as i once thought.

and another thing, where did all these people come from? im not certain how long i can handle it. they just show up whenever they feel like it, talk loudly, trash the place and leave. how much room is there in my head anyhow? perhaps if i had more brain there would be less room for free-loaders such as these. my face kind of burns, due to the sun im assuming, there was also that horrible face fire i had earlier in the week.

its a fragment of a fragment, oh no look out!

i think i may need a new life motto besides 'i like tomatoes'. perhaps something like 'i really enjoy watermelon', or even 'i like to stare'. i suppose i could go way out on a limb and incorporate some type of positive affirmation into it such as 'tomatoes like me', or 'when i stare i forget', but im still not all for it yet, you know ive got to build up to stuff like that. i mean these types of things just dont happen so suddenly, it takes time as well as competence and im still looking for one of those.

a conversation i had a few weeks ago...

friend: isn't today cinco de mayo?

me: na i think today is the fifth or something.

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sometimes i just cant seem to get things to fit, despite how obvious it may be.

sometimes you wake up and make a cake or something, sometimes you stay in bed. sometimes you go la de da da da da da da, till your eyes roll back into your head.

looked for someone to lean on today, after much searching i decided to use the wall i generally yell at. they are usually a good thing to lean on, walls. strong, supportive and dont complain all that much but when i went to lean on it, it just leaned away. recognizing this as what it is i decided to search for a spot to stand and stare, ended up sitting instead.

buying water and noticed the person behind me putting there items on the conveyer belt to be purchased, we have conveyer belts in food stores, anyway i started looking at his stuff. people get all strange when you look at the things they are buying, at least he did. it was nothing to be ashamed of, cheese, bread, something from the deli, just regular items but the way he looked back at me was as if i was peering into his soul by looking at the items of food he was going to consume. odd. perhaps i was looking at him all weird like and he got some wrong impression. i mean in his defense why the hell was i perving on his food anyway?

i found a dollar today. was walking along kicking dust and saw it. i pushed it around with my shoe some partly because i was in some misbelieve that i had actually found a dollar and also because it was laying next to a easter egg, the plastic kind, one of the yellow ones, cracked open all the way. hell yea. not sure what to spend it on. more than likely it will go into those quarter machines at food stores to obtain a bouncing ball, preferably the mismatched colored one.

hmmm. yea thats about it. some stuff going on inside my head but it just does not seem to want to come out in words so i just continue thinking it to myself because the words have no where else to go and then i get bored because its all i ever hear. went to a cookie party this week. have you ever been to a cookie party? yea, they are as fun as they sound. imagine fields and fields of cookies waiting to be consumed. i thought i would succeed and defeat the cookies by eating them all but i was wrong. the cookies prevailed because they have great strength in numbers. once i was down for the count they continued to taunt me with the delicious smells they have and i had no choice but to lower my head even further and realize my defeat. next time i will have a better devised plan. still, fun people and fun times.


not as innocent as they look.

yea




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